OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
