pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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