Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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