I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
