I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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