We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
