pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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