Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
