A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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