in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
