What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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