Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
