Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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