we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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