You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
