So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
