also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
