During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
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I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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