mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Randomize
