At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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