even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
