y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize