i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
