Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
