dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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