tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
