Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
