How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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