I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
