i already hear my dad disowning me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
