ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I intend to get homeless drunk
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
