see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
