Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize