This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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