"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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