My liver just broke up with me...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
