You smell like stripper and shame
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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