Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
