I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
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I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
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There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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