Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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