I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
