like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.