I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.