I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
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she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
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She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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