i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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