I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize