i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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