Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
