im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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