Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
