I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
