I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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