we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
