im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
