That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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