I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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