she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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