I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
