i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
