My liver just broke up with me...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
