I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
