i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
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Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
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You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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