i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
