Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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