Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
did i walk over a car last night?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
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I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
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He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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