Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
