I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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