Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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