The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize