they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
