I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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